I’m a lazy busy person.
So- I get done what needs to be done- and for me that’s a lot of things. It’s work, it’s washing, cooking, lunchbox
packing, note signing, exercising, party planning, blog writing, studying, drum
practising and in general managing the logistics of a family of five where no
one else thinks about much more than what they need at any one time. The rest of the time- I’m lazy- because I can
be, and scarred into my memory are the toddler years where there was no
downtime whatsoever. In the weekends I
sleep in till close to midday(while the organisers are doing organising and
cleaning things- jokes on you bitches) and in the evenings I sit on the couch
and watch trash TV till I fall asleep. I
like clean and organised houses and gardens though, and I reckon they’d be more
relaxing to be lazy in. I want one of
those houses- I just can’t seem to do it- Is it because I’m so lazy? Or could there be some other reason?
If I was half as busy as I am now- maybe my house would be
amazing... That definitely could be it.
At the moment I’m the jack of all trades and master of none. If there were no kids in the house then actually
the place would be pretty spic and span for most of the time wouldn’t it? And yet my friend has a toddler and her place
is just a wonderful little Zen haven just begging for a mess grenade to be
launched at it and I just want to wring her serene neck and smear my hands on
her windows- bitch. She’s even made a website about how to make your life more
like hers which is pretty amazing and you can check it out here.
Maybe it’s genetic?
Except my Mum is a cleaning psycho and her little house and cottage
garden are testimony to the fact that genes are not helping my situation. And Dad- well let’s just say- gated community
and leave it at that. My siblings are on
a spectrum, none of them are high standard clean freaks but none of them live
in squalor either (nor do I-mostly).
There’s still time I guess- I could end up with a neat as a pin house
and glorious garden like Mum if the kids thing finishes and the genetics kicks
in.
I’ve tried to take charge of this situation quite a few
times. There are the New Year’s
resolutions, the Pinterest organising board,
feasible schedules that I’ve put together, the family chorechart... Basically I’ve got
everything I need to get it all sorted but no success at acting it all
out. I’m organised to be organised but
not organised enough to neatly act it out.
I’ve got a feeling it could be self sabotage. It’s like holding an invisible cleaning gun
to my head, taunting myself- it’s within your reach, you could have it, but you’re
not going to bitch, just stare at your organising charts and have a panic
attack bitch...
Now, just so you don’t think that I’m shallow enough to be
yearning for my house to be clean in order to impress others let me reassure
you. I couldn’t give a fuck what anyone
thinks of my place and I welcome anyone who disapproves to turn right around
and leave. My dear and lovely friends
come to see me and quite possibly seeing super Plum Lovely
not being perfectly prim probably gives them a shiver of delight and a shot of
relaxation. They also probably don’t give
a shit at all since my super personable qualities probably transcend any
feelings about house cleanliness.
After years of ruminating on my failure to launch any kind
of cleaning or organising regime I’ve finally come up with a feasible excuse
for my actions (or inactions). Here it
is- I’m creative! It’s a good excuse
this one- let me illuminate you. I’m
extroverted and easily distracted- not good qualities for diligent duties like
spending fucking hours lining up boxes, baskets, blankets and bing bongs (I don’t
know). I’m not the kind of creative
that can draw, or paint, or sew, or make anything except some pretty fabulous
food to shove in your cake hole and dress a fat body to look slimmer. I’m a
story teller and I’m creative at getting things done with the least possible
effort. I guess that’s why people always
wonder how I can get so much done and not lose my fucked up little mind. Well
the reason is – because I’m not doing all that other cleaning and organising
stuff that they’re doing, I’m doing what the hell I want- probably sitting on
my arse watching ‘Come Dine With Me’ while
stressing about how I’m going to get my assignment done and coming up with creative
ideas about how I’ll do it given that I’m using some perfectly good time doing
nothing right now...
Every few weeks I do still have a go at whipping things into
shape though. I’m creative like
that. The family chore chart gets
resurrected every now and again and the kids roll their eyes and state the
obvious- that it won’t be in action for long.
The best time to get the kids to do jobs is when they want
something. “Yes your friends can come
and stay- if you clean your room and make dinner” is a win-win situation. And also I would be remiss as a Mother if I
did not teach them how to cook and clean!
Maybe I also enjoy living on the edge just a little, a rebel
against the system- rebelling against the chore of domesticity- a conscientious
objector! Yes! That’s it!
I’m a creative feminist, rebelling against the torment and slow soul
death of domestic life. I OBJECT. I
still would like a clean, tidy, serene house though; can someone help me with
that...?
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