Sunday, 10 April 2016

Snickers Bar Smoothie

This is not usually a blog site about recipes but I’ll make an exception this time because of the bloody amazing flavours you’re all going to want to have in your mouths.  If you hate peanut butter, or snickers bars then piss off- this is not a blog for you to read.  If you’re from the Paleo religion, I’m not sure whether this will fit into your particular set of torturous conditions, but I’m sure you can tweak it into more of a self righteous show piece smoothie recipe to share with your tribe, and masterful leader Pete Evans (snort).

Anyway, back to the smoothie recipe.  I love peanut butter, I love salt, I love eating and I love smoothies.  I didn’t come up with the rebel’s idea of putting peanut butter in a smoothie but I’d like to thank that wonderful, creative mind whose eager taste buds planted the seed.   It’s been whirling around in my mind for a while now that I must try a peanut butter smoothie, but the kids were never as keen.  Well, finally one day when I had the opportunity to actually think about what I’d like, and fulfill those fantasies, I made up the best frigging smoothie of my life!!!!

The perfect set of circumstances had combined.  I was hungry for something yummy and nourishing (though the latter was not really as important as the former), I had some sachets of smooth peanut butter and the blender was on the bench.  I let my mind-tongue make the recipe, and while I ruminated on how disgusting it was that we in the first world have enough food to be able to blend it all up and post photos on instagram to show off, I accidentally created heaven in a tall glass.

I’m not selfish and I can’t bear to keep this recipe to myself so here it is.  Keep in mind that this was accidentally healthy-ish and not on purpose, but Hallelujah, because I can be as greedy as I like with this one.  If you want to have your own little wank-fest party and skite about your pure as fuck ingredients, well be my guest a-hole, everybody thinks you’re a dick anyway.

Stuff for Snickers bar Smoothie

Almond/Coconut/Cow MilkI use Almond or Coconut because Dairy gives me a tummy ache
Nuts - I use Almonds or Walnuts but you can use whatever fuckin nuts you want
Banana - All my shitty brown bananas are chucked in the freezer and are great for smoothies
Smooth Peanut Butter
Maple Syrup - Because it tastes so good, there’s no other reason - don’t be a dick
Salt - OK, I used Himalayan pink salt but just because I have a jar of it next to the stove


If at this point you are scratching your head and wondering what amounts to use, well use your fuckin’ brain, it’s not rocket science.  Enough milk to make your mixture up to the amount of serves you want, not obviously a large greedy amount of nuts, one banana for one person, a decent amount of peanut butter, like two tablespoons, and just enough maple syrup to make it sweet but not sickly sweet.  It’s a smoothie mixture so it should be smooth and not like a glass of concrete.  This recipe really is for winners, so losers- go take a hike.  It doesn’t matter what kind of blender you’ve got, as long as it fulfills the function of blending then that’s fine.

So by now you should have a delicious, snickers bar tasting smoothie in your hand, drink up and enjoy, take a photo and share it on instagram if you like.  If you want to be an unlikable health freak that still enjoys the taste of snickers bars but feel that this recipe is too simple and not skite-worthy enough, please search google for one that suits your particular level of food snobbery.  There are heaps of smoothie recipes out there that surely are only made and photographed, because I wouldn't drink that shit. So fill your boots freaks, shove your $100 whey protein and shit in there – I’ll be right here enjoying my low key Snickers Bar Smoothie.

I don't need to dress this up.