Monday, 25 August 2014


There were no official photographers


I'm getting sick of all the cheesy wedding pictures coming up on my newsfeed.  And to be honest knowing someone planning a wedding has become a pretty tiresome event.  Lately it seems that a lot bride-to-be's think that they must be a minor celebrity and are planning their weddings like they're Kim Kardashian. From the overly detailed analysis of what colour and style napkins to the over the top cakes and dresses, it all just makes me want to scream, "it's just one day"! 
I'm not that old(cringe),but when I got married 17yrs ago the most exciting thing about it was becoming my husbands wife and declaring our undying love in front of each other and our loved ones.  It was a magical day, out in the sun in an open field with a reception in a converted barn afterwards.  Did we have napkins? I don't even remember, if we did I had no part in choosing them.  The truth is that I was in such a hurry to marry this man that I couldn't have cared less where or how we did it.  I knew I wanted my friend by my side and I had no say in what she wore and didn't even see her outfit till the day of the wedding.  I couldn't have cared less what she was wearing as long as she was there. My husband organised the cake, again I didn't see it till I got there and voila it was a chocolate gateau volcano! 
We had decided to get married a week after starting to go out with each other and at Christmas time when my future in-laws asked when we were going to get married I said- anytime they wanted to organise it.  So the wedding was planned for March. My husband and I made a freaky collage for a wedding invitation, colour copied them and mailed them out.  I bought a dress, couldn't be bothered with shoes so decided to go barefoot.  Two weeks before the wedding I went to a florist and asked if they could organise flowers.  The florist smiled and started flipping months ahead in her diary and looked up at me smiling with her eyes all sanguine and asked for the date of the wedding.  She slapped the book shut in horror and disbelief when I told her.  It was inconceivable to her.  In the end I brought her back to her senses by asking her if she seriously couldn't make me two bouquets of flowers and two buttonholes in two weeks time when she was clearly surrounded by flowers.  She nodded and remained semi speechless, but of course she managed to get the flowers organised- good grief.
the invite
A couple of days before the wedding I went into a pharmacy and let them know I was looking for some make up for my wedding- I don't usually wear make-up.  The same nodding, smiling, encouraging looks, the enquiry as to the date of my wedding followed by the horror stricken looks on their faces!!! But have you had a facial? No, should I? No, not now it's too late!!!  What amuses me still is that they were acting like I was the crazy one!!!

 Getting married is actually really easy, you just get a marriage licence and a person legally able to marry you and you just get married.  It's actually all the industry around weddings that makes it all so hard and sucks people into thinking that they have to follow all their made up conventions and rules.  Wedding magazines, expos, cake makers, TV shows etc. are all cashing in on this highly lucrative market.  So many tiny details are now highly managed and what really sickens me is that it really seems that a lot of brides are more excited about the wedding than the actual marriage.  This is really not good, it is disturbing, because guess what?  After that one really expensive day with your fifth wedding dress on and your fancy shoes and all your friends and your 18 tier multi flavoured cake and all your stupid photos(oh look how I angelically touched the doves wing as it flew past)and your 20 bridesmaids and the limousines, after that guess what? You're married.  At this point you probably really want to hope you married your soul mate and eternal love because if not you just threw a massive stressful party that probably took 2 years or more to plan for someone that's just ok.  On the plus side if you enjoyed the whole crazy process you could do it all again with someone else.
If you really like wearing pretty dresses and having parties then by all means do it!  Just don't think you've got to find  someone to marry you so you can do it.  You could probably buy a cake and a new dress and have a party every second weekend for less than what the average wedding costs these days.  You'll know you've met the right person for you because you won't give a shit what you're wearing and where you are when you tie the knot- well at least the details should pale in to insignificance.
If you are having a massively over organised indulgent wedding soon, I hope you enjoy it- it's likely to be the last time you're able to dress up like a princess, you'll be working the rest of your life to pay it off and maybe raise some children for the next 20yrs or so- and that ain't glamorous- maybe we should all wear black to our weddings and weep... 
This wedding dress is made entirely out of divorce papers. Keeping it real!