Don't Lose Yourself into "Coupledom"

I'm a bit of a voyeur.  I like people watching, not that you'd notice since I spend very little time sitting still or being quiet- I'm no introvert!  But, I love people watching when given the opportunity, and I really think that even though I do engage in a lot of conversations(which I do really enjoy) my brain is really focused on human behaviour all the time- I just love it!  At the moment I'm noticing "Coupledom" and the "we" that people seem to transform into. I think it would be super amazing and highly unlikely that one could meet someone who thinks and feels exactly the same as them.  Why do so many people lose their identity in a relationship and become a 'we'?

My husband and 'I', 'We' disagree...

Have you ever watched a reality show where couples compete against each other?  This is the perfect place to see the 'we' in full effect.  Standing side by side and talking to the camera the couples say things like- "we really love neutral colours", "we are really competitive" or "we like reading" all the while glancing at each other with beaming smiles and nodding in agreement. 
Why are they doing this? Grouped together - the statement, the body language and the agreement seems like some sort of animalistic tribal dance of affirmation.  We're together, we like the same things, we're happy- see!  Is this affirmation for themselves or an outward sign for others- 'observe our indestructible force of togetherness, no one agrees more than we do, that's our intimate bond'! 

The thing is, before they were the 'we' they actually were individuals that obviously appealed to each other just as they were.  It's understanding that in the initial stages of togetherness they probably found all the things they had in common and spent a lot of time together, they probably spent less time doing individual things or fighting over topics they disagreed on while they were in the first flush of romance.  Is this what sets the scene  for the rest of the relationship?  Maybe the idea of truly being in-love and intimate is set down over this period and the idea of not agreeing or not spending all their time together now seems hostile and dangerous.  But without differences and individual pursuits what really is there to talk about?  How can your partner excite you if you have become carbon copies of each other.

My husband and I disagree on many topics, we are quite different, which is fine with me.  I like to know what 'I' think and not be scared to say it.  I don't think me having my own point of view makes my husband like me less either.  I also don't need him to agree with me.  It's not a problem at all for us to disagree and the bonus is that we get to explore all sides of a topic since we sometimes have different points of view.  In social situations I don't feel like I have to be a 'we' and choose one view point to defend as a couple, this is not tense or difficult, mostly it means in any social situation one of us agrees with someone else there at least.  It wasn't always like this though, I suspect we were a 'we' for a while there too, maybe it was immaturity... 

The most visual observance of the 'we' is at the mall or supermarket.  This is usually more a display of dutiful misery.  'We go shopping together because we are a 'we' so we do everything together even if it makes us miserable'. Why, oh why would you go shopping together?  Surely he is not interested in your recreational clothes shopping, and certainly not for more than thirty minutes!  I can't imagine how stressful it must be trying to shop while my husband wandered around after me absolutely bored to tears.  Leave your partner at home while you're shopping unless its a purchase that you both need to be present for, you can indulge your 'individual preferences' while you are alone. 
The supermarket shopping- hardly anyone enjoys this!!!!  Why double the misery by both going?  I have rarely seen a couple shopping and looking really happy together.  People hardly ever act kindly at the supermarket anyway and often the awkward people glancing can be a bit jungle like.  Did he just look at her??!!! Take a wide berth if you see a couple shopping together, they're probably so insecure that if you even glance their way you may be on the receiving end of an abusive tirade!

I think my main gripe with the 'we' is that it's just boring. Keep your relationship honest, alive and exciting and be an 'I'!

Ginny Blackmore's Song Bones makes me rage!

Ginny Blackmore's song 'Bones' just drives me bloody crazy!  I've posted the video below for those who haven't heard it before but it's likely you have since it's been pretty popular worldwide.  Maybe you like the sound but haven't really listened to the words.  It's true she is a nice singer and the music sounds good too, but the words are just shameful in my opinion.  Poor Ginny- if she's writing this song about herself- she needs to get some self esteem and move on!  I'd expect to hear this sort of shit from a teenage girl maybe, but if you're an adult- she's 27- then you've got issues- if you're putting up with the sort of relationship she's describing in this song.  Here's why I wouldn't bother even writing a song about a pitiful relationship such as the one described in 'bones'.

First verse- "it sucks being in love with an unkind man"- that's actually not his fault.  The problem here is why she is in love with an unkind man?  Maybe he didn't seem unkind in the beginning?  Obviously he does now- don't put up with that bullshit Ginny, leave!

"talk to me like a regular tramp trying to screw you" "serve your ass steak and beer" - are you kidding me??? Does this make anyone else angry? He talks to her like she's a tramp and she serves him steak and beer!!!  Ginny- if he is unkind to you and you stick around and lay your bones down with him and serve him all the good snacks he wants, then what do you expect?  He's got everything he wants there without giving you anything, you're even writing a song for this arsehole!  You're sitting on a goldmine love, if you're gonna give it away to any idiot then you should consider making them do a few things for you first!  Maybe you need your lawns mowed and your car washed?

The chorus- "come and lay your bones down with me".  No Ginny, don't lie down with this piece of shit.  Pack your bags and go.  He's not worth inviting in to your special sanctuary.  No it's not love it's a Man with nothing better to do and a poor girl with low self esteem trying to do anything to get his attention, love and respect.  I recommend you leave immediately and if he's got a nice mate make sure you get some action with him and rub that in this shit-heads face.  You know you're pretty Ginny, you don't need some guy to tell you this, and if you do it's time to spend some time single learning to love yourself. 

Second Verse- "I'm not trying to play the victim"  That's exactly what you're doing Ginny, that's why you said you weren't. You are a victim and that's very sad, what's worse is that you are making yourself the victim- not him.  He doesn't love you, as his actions so clearly demonstrate.  He's not doing anything wrong he's just putting up with a sweet arrangement for him while he's at a loose end.  He didn't make you the victim you're choosing it! 

Third verse- you stared him in the eye and told him you loved him and wanted him and he's staring at a wall?  You're asking "do you even like me at all"?  This definitely isn't love Ginny.  Maybe he's staring at the wall because he's trying to subtly let you know that the writing is on it- no he doesn't like you, please stop talking about love to him, what is wrong with you?  Also, if he's staring at the TV and not talking to you here's a list of things you could do- read a book, do your nails, have a bath, go out with your friends, find a new place to live, get on your tinder account and find out who's hot and within 100 meters of your location(really, you couldn't do much worse than this guy...).

The ending- Omg Ginny!!!! You're actually pleading with the guy to love you?  Your self respect has hit an all time low.  Oh god Ginny I feel sick inside for you.  When you really do meet the right guy you won't need to ask for anything.  You will feel full to the brim with happiness, and really anything less is just not worth it.  Single life and friendships are really so much fun and so fulfilling that you should only really depart from it for something that you can't bear to be without.  The real deal isn't complicated or hard at all, it works, it happens, it fizzes, because it's right for two people(or more if that's what you're into).  
Please Ginny- write a song to show us you've recovered from this horrible part of your life.  Write a strong self loving song and maybe pour some hate on this guy.  Perhaps listen to some Alanis Morrisette for inspiration?  Here's a hug for you Ginny, right down to your bones.

PS. Music videos tend to make heartbreak look romantic- it sure isn't like that in real life, it's actually really shit.
Ginny Blackmore- Bones