The Bachelor Games

The Bachelor's 'Simple Simon' Zac

Clearly I need a lobotomy because I’m still watching New Zealand’s most desperate and dateless girls all scrapping it out over one equally desperate Simple Simon.  I don’t know why I do it, but I suspect it’s because I’m just the right mix of romantic and bitchy, and let’s face it The Bachelor is great fodder for bitching and gossiping.

I do wish I could understand the starry eyed, tear inducing adoration for Zac that ‘the girls’ seem to have but I’m really struggling to find anything interesting about him at all.  He’s neither eye-candy nor really intelligent, nor funny.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he’s a bad guy, just as boring as a yawning, intoxicated girl at a cocktail party.  I don’t know anything about Zac except that he was a lifeguard and has suffered from depression, and you would think that with all the dates he’s been on we’d know more than that by now.

There’s only five districts, oops I mean girls, left in the game and Zac is really getting his traumatised face down pat after every elimination.  I’m ‘really glad’ he’s there; it has been amazing to see him ‘really open up’ and ‘let his walls down’.  I like to know ‘how he’s feeling’ as frequently as possible so it’s ‘really important’ for him to ‘take the next step’ so he can ‘take things to the next level’.  He’s there for ‘the right reasons’ after all he’s ‘looking for love’ and he’s got ‘strong feelings’ growing.

Thank goodness for Lily!  She is legit the best thing about The Bachelor.  She knows what she’s doing, she’s just relaxing and enjoying the vibe whilst toying with Zac like a cat does with a bird before it’s mangled enough to eat.  Lily has everything she needs, booze, travel, accommodation and a bozo that’s spellbound enough to keep her there for the long run.

Dear young Claudia the ‘fanny blocker’ will provide the soft place to fall when Lily dumps Zac’s picked over carcass aside and packs her bags for more stimulating pastures.  To be honest I think they’re a great match, they’ve got chemistry, and nice cosy simple minds.  They’ll have happy, robust, dumb kids together.

If I hear another tearful sniffle of ‘I just need more time with Zac’ I’ll eliminate the whinging bitch myself.  I’ve watched these girls constantly sitting by the pool, drinking cocktails, dressing up for cocktail parties, travelling, and going on great ‘group dates’, why the fuck would they need to see more of Zac.  Be elusive bitch, there’s a reason you’re on The Bachelor – what you’ve been doing isn’t working because you’re coming across as clingy...  Also, don’t give us that ‘it’s hard’ bullshit, it looks pretty easy to me - apart from submerging yourself in an ice bath in order to get alone time with Zac – truly desperate love.

The storm of emotions leading up to the rose ceremony is sickening.  One would think that Zac was going to use a ‘hunger games’ style elimination and remove a girl with a bullet to the head with the amount of weeping and quivering going on.  It would be a whole different game if that’s how things went.  You’d have to be next level desperate or utterly ruthless to enter.  Zac would be getting more than just sneaky kisses at the cocktail party as the girls fought for survival no matter what. 

They’d still be all pathetic and tearful at the rose ceremony, clinging to each other and trying to pull Zac aside, but it would be totally understandable because once all the roses were handed out and one girl was left standing without one, the girls would know that she was not staying, but she was definitely not going home.  Dom would sinisterly walk in with a loaded hand gun, and say ‘**** you did not get a rose, you have been eliminated, take a minute and say your goodbyes’. The girls would be desperately relieved that they’ve survived another day but sad and horrified that a girl is about to be properly eliminated from their midst. They’d hug and cry just like usual and then Dom would come and put a bullet between her eyes and Zac would look all traumatised and sad – like usual.

 Have any of ‘the girls’ discussed how the prize package actually isn’t as good as the game?  Really just competing is the prize.  I’d much rather win the travel and stuff than Zac, what the hell would I do with him- have a long conversation about whether we’re ‘opening up enough’?  I think if I got to the final two I’d make sure I didn’t win, and if that didn’t work I’d have to use the ‘Smith Manouver’ and cut loose quicker than a man looking for love and then deciding he wanted something more casual.

More than Words...

 

I’ve been through the clichéd experience of ‘finding myself’

recently, but before you start thinking I made a choice to go through this experience- no - I was dragged, kicking and screaming.  And, my version of ‘finding myself’ was not a search for the meaning of life, or long restful days meditating, or travelling, or any of those quite nice pathways to finding oneself.  My version of finding myself was instigated by my life just imploding, and me actually trying to find myself out of the scattered remnants.

When one’s life is shattered it quickly becomes clear what is truly important and what drives one to despair.  My loved ones have the capacity to lift me up and carry me through hard times and the power to totally destroy me.  Sometimes strength simply must be found from within; no-one can or should carry you forever. 

I have learned how much I depend on my loved ones and how much they depend on me, but this is not the full lesson.  The full lesson is that while my loved ones have the power to wound me with unkind words, I too have the power to hurt them with mine.  So when I felt hurt by words and festered away on them and let them boil in my mind, I took the time to imagine someone dear to me feeling the same way about some words I may have said. 

When you know your own intent, and inside feelings it’s horrible to think that someone may be affected by your words in a way that you never intended.  Assumptions are made that loved ones know you so intimately that they know more than words, they know the 'inside you' so they could never misunderstand your intent.

So how can I avoid making people I love feel bad?  I don’t want to bruise anybody’s soul. I’m especially bad at talking first and thinking later,  but if I censor myself will I still be the same person?  And who am I really?  Am I who I think I am, or who others think I am?  For instance I've heard quite a lot that I am 'harsh' which makes part of my insides ache, but I have to accept having heard it enough times that that must be how I come across.  So this must be a word about who I am even if I don't feel like that inside.  

What can I do with the bad things said to, or about me?  What do these words look like all together?  It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming others for hurting you, but by contrast, defending yourself vehemently when the finger of blame is pointed in your direction. 

In an attempt to be my own guidance counselor I decided to write all the words about me down.  Luckily I'm blessed enough to have amazing friends and family who also say nice words about me, better words than I'd use to describe myself.  I gave myself a reasonable amount of space on a big piece of paper and started writing.  At first it was slow going, I wondered whether I could successfully fill the space.  I wrote words I thought about myself, words other people had said to me, words that are labels applied to me, bad words about me, and good words about me.  By the time I was finished I realised I had filled the space but could have carried on. 

There are a lot of words about me, and I didn’t feel bad about them at all.  They are part of what makes me a whole and truly authentic being. Having just nice words about me would be nice, but it would be only part of the picture. Words can hurt, and words can heal, but they are just words. They are words about me that tell a story, and I’m happy with how my story is going.